


The Dating Game

by anne_ammons



Series: Drabbles for Fairest of the Rare - Lovefest 2020 [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, California, F/M, Fluff, Reality TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22810744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anne_ammons/pseuds/anne_ammons
Summary: Calling all bachelors! There's a girl looking for love.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Viktor Krum
Series: Drabbles for Fairest of the Rare - Lovefest 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1633945
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	The Dating Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IKEAwhatyoudidthere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKEAwhatyoudidthere/gifts).



> IKEAwhatyoudidthere - You are such a great cheerleader! Thank you! This is for you!
> 
> #lovefest2020 #teameros

Hermione took a deep breath as she sat in the green room. She was about to go on stage in front of an audience to find a date. She wasn’t desperate. Granted, it had been a while since she had broken up with her ex, Ron, but that didn’t mean that she had any desire to parade herself on national television. 

Hermione could kill Ginny, for signing her up for this. She didn’t expect to be selected, and then she was. Somehow, her friends had all convinced her that it would be a hoot. She wasn’t so sure, but she had to admit, she didn’t really have anything to lose. Other than some time… and her pride.

A woman with a clipboard peeked her head in the room. “Come on, Hermione. It’s time to go. Your dream date awaits!”

Hermione stood and smoothed her skirt one last time. It was shorter than she would typically wear, but Luna convinced her it was the right length and color for finding love. Hermione had rolled her eyes at the suggestion that there was a _right_ length skirt for that, but accepted that it was a cute skirt. 

She checked herself in the mirror — her hair had been pinned and sprayed within an inch of its life. She had on far more make up than she normally did, but the woman doing her make up assured her that it was what was needed under the lights. She crinkled her nose. She didn’t like not seeing her freckles. It looked unnatural.

The woman cleared her throat to get her attention. Ah yes, here goes nothing.

She walked out of the room, and the woman directed her to a spot near the edge of the stage, stopping her over a taped ‘X’ on the floor. She held up her fingers to count down, silently mouthing the words. _Three… two… one…_

“And now, let’s introduce our bachelorette.” 

“Hermione Granger is 24 and lives in Culver City. She loves long walks on the beach, reading a good book and volunteering at the animal shelter. Let’s give a warm _Dating Show_ welcome to Hermione!”

As the applause sounded, the woman gave her a nudge. Hermione took a deep breath. _Well… here goes nothing._ She stepped onto the sound stage and did her best to smile and not look as awkward as she felt.

The host held out his hand to greet her. She had to suppress a laugh. Her mother had been so excited that Hermione would get to meet Gilderoy Lockhart in person! All Hermione saw was a washed up B-list actor (and that was probably being generous) who spent his days taping the same show over and over. He looked like he had on Sansabelt pants, like her father preferred. His hair was styled into a bit of a blond pompadour and his makeup looked to be as thick as hers. But, his smile was as white and gleaming as she had ever seen. She had no idea how anyone’s teeth could be that white, without the help of paint… or magic.

The host showed her to her seat and explained the rules, which she already knew. He would introduce three bachelors. She would ask each of them a series of questions and then based on their answers, in just thirty short minutes — minus commercial breaks — she would have to decide who she wanted to go on a date with. At least she was only contractually obligated to only one date, and it was paid for by the show. 

“So, Hermione, tell me, what type of man are you looking for?” Lockhart leaned in and placed his hand on his overly prominent chin, while turning to flash the audience a winning smile.

Sadly, “I’m not actually looking, but Ginny made me do this” was not an acceptable answer. Instead, Hermione gave the answer she had rehearsed, trying to look at ease while she spoke. “I’m looking for someone who is confident. Someone who isn’t afraid to try new things. Someone who is excited by learning, and who has his feet on the ground.”

Lockhart chatted with her for another moment and then turned to face the audience. He held a microphone in his hand, more for show or to give the host something to do with his hands, she guessed, given everyone already wore a mic.

“Well, Hermione, it’s time to meet your bachelors.”

The audience erupted in applause once more.

“Bachelor #1 hails from Malibu where his favorite thing is to ride the waves. When he’s not on a surfboard, he’s into riding fast bikes and checking out new restaurants. Everyone, give a warm welcome to Draco.”

Hermione’s eyes widened. Fast bikes and surfing? Had they paid any attention to what she had written on her profile?

There were catcalls and whistles thrown in with the applause as Draco took his seat.

“Draco, please say hello to Hermione,” Lockhart prompted.

“Hey there, Hermione.” 

His voice was smooth, like a hot knife cutting through butter. Okay, maybe she had written him off a bit too quickly. She squirmed in her seat, realizing her panties were a little wet all of a sudden. Maybe it had been too long since her last date. She cursed under her breath and Lockhart gave her a look before turning to face the audience again.

“Bachelor #2 is from Anaheim. He enjoys theme parks, craft beer and pyrotechnics. Let’s welcome Seamus to the stage!”

“Hello-o-o Hermione.”

Okay, now, he just sounded corny.

“Bachelor #3 lives in Venice Beach where his favorite things are working out and cooking. He loves long walks on the beach and traveling to see new places. Let’s give a warm welcome to Viktor!”

Once Viktor got settled, Lockhart also gave him a chance to greet Hermione. 

“Hello Hermy-nony.” He sounded a little unsure with the pronunciation of her name, and she thought she could detect a faint accent.

Hermione groaned. Things were already off to a bad start. It sounded like two of them were athletes. She hated sports, other than channel surfing, although she did do yoga often enough and went to spin class when Ginny made her.

“Alright, Hermione, you’ve met each of the three bachelors. Let’s get started. What question would you like to ask first?”

Hermione looked over at the partition that screened the bachelors from her. It annoyed her that her friends could see what they looked like and she couldn’t. She hated operating with less than optimal information. At the same time, looks weren’t everything, and it made her think about what questions she might ask to really learn something about her potential dates.

She looked down at the question cards in her hands, shuffling for the one she wanted, not that it mattered. It wasn’t as if she was going to find true love on a dating show.

“Let’s start with Bachelor #1. Draco, how would you describe yourself, using only one word.”

“Only one word? Hmm… how about winning.”

There was that twinge in her panties again. His answer was a bit cocky, though.

The audience chuckled and Hermione wondered what he had done to make them laugh.

“Bachelor #2, Seamus, same question.”

“If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be explosive, because I am passionate about life!”

That was more than one word, Hermione thought.

“And Bachelor #3, Viktor?”

“Confident.”

That was the most normal answer of the three. She caught another hint of an accent and decided to ask him another question, just so she could hear more of his voice. She’d have to be strategic with her choices from here on out. She couldn’t ask each of them every question or she’d end up out of time.

“Bachelor #3, if you had to be an animal, what animal would you choose and why?”

“Huh…if I had my choice, I guess I’d be a hellbender. I’ve always been fascinated with them. They’re a type of salamander that breathes through their skin. They live really long lives and they’re one of the few species where the male does all the child-rearing. Sounds like a good deal to me.”

Hermione sat up a bit straighter in her chair. That was a really obscure answer, but she knew exactly what a hellbender was. She was expecting answers like lion or bear for strength or maybe a ferret for cunning, but that answer was completely unexpected. Plus, Bachelor #3’s accent was very easy to listen to.

“Bachelor #1, same question.”

“Babe, I’m already an animal. I don’t have to choose, if you know what I mean.” He made a sound that was somewhere between a chuckle and a growl.

Hermione rolled her eyes. And there it was. Bachelor #1 was far too cocky to be interesting, even if she could get past his love of surfing and motorcycles. And he may be good in bed, but they were definitely not a match. Often it was the ones who talked the most trash who ended up being the biggest disappointments.

Before Hermione could ask another question, Lockhart popped out on stage with the mic.

“Just what will our lovely bachelorette ask next? We’ll find out right after this word from our sponsors!”

He then immediately turned and walked offstage, grumbling under his breath as he walked by her.

The lights came up in the audience and she quickly scanned the faces to see if she could find her friends. 

The make up woman rushed out and started to powder her forehead and nose again. “Sorry, hun. Bright lights.”

All too soon, someone was counting down, “And we’re back in three… two… one!”

Lockhart appeared out of nowhere, the smell of cigarette smoke trailing behind him. Hermione did her best to not make a face. “Welcome back, friends. We’re here with Hermione who was about to ask her next question. What’ll it be Hermione?”

“Bachelor #2, what’s the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you?”

She heard the bachelor named Seamus chuckle. 

“Well, there was one time in chemistry class when I accidentally mixed the wrong chemicals and caused a small explosion. The building had to be evacuated and I singed my eyebrows off and everything. Yeah, that was pretty embarrassing.”

Uh yeah, Hermione thought. That was pretty bad. He almost burnt down a building and decided to tell everyone watching the show? 

“And Bachelor #3?”

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I may need to get to know all of you a bit better before I share _that_ story.”

The audience laughed and Hermione wondered what exactly he had done to get that reaction.

“Alright, it’s time for your last question, Hermione.”

Hermione looked at the remaining cards in her hand. The time had gone more quickly than she had expected. She didn’t have much of a choice. Ginny would kill her if she didn’t ask the one question she had given her, even though Hermione thought it was way too sappy. All three bachelors could answer this one, though. She took a deep breath.

“Bachelor #3, how would you describe the perfect date?”

“I’d pack us a picnic lunch and pick you up, so we could head to Solvang to see the windmills and wander through the shops. On the way, we would brush up on our fairy tales, so we could visit the Hans Christian Anderson museum there. It’s the fastest day trip I know that kinda takes you to Europe.”

_Now, that was interesting_. Hermione thought. 

“Bachelor #2, same question.”

“I’m such a fan of amusement parks. Maybe you’d like a day at Disney. I would treat you like a princess, and we could end the night by watching the fireworks… before making some of our own.”

Hermione heard the audience cheer. They seemed to like that answer. Personally, Hermione thought it was a bit presumptuous and rather corny. 

“And Bachelor #1?”

The perfect date would start with me picking you up in the morning so we could hit the early morning waves together. If you don’t know how to surf, no worries, I’ll give you a private lesson.”

Hermione crossed her legs a bit tighter, but steeled her resolve against him.

“After we’re tired, we can head down to the Santa Monica pier, so I can win a present for you at the carnival. After that, we’ll probably be hungry, so I’d take you to one of my favorite sushi spots. And after I’d drive you up to Point Dume, so we can watch the sunset together.”

She had to admit, other than the surfing, that sounded like a lovely date. And clearly, her body thought he had something to offer, even if her mind disagreed.

Lockhart appeared in front of her.

“Well, Hermione, you have quite a choice in front of you. Who’s it going to be? Bachelor #1? Bachelor #2? Or Bachelor #3?”

The audience started shouting out numbers… not that Hermione could understand them amid all the noise.

She thought through her options.

Draco seemed very sure of himself. It sounded like he spent an awful lot of time on a surfboard and that he had money. She wondered if it was VC money or if maybe he was one of those trust fund kids that she had gone to high school with, the ones with far more money than sense. But that voice gave her pause. She could only imagine what him whispering in her ear would do to her.

Seamus seemed nice enough, if a bit awkward. He seemed like he was trying too hard, and she hadn’t really felt a connection with him.

And Viktor? She wasn’t even sure he could pronounce her name correctly, but his answers were the most straightforward.

Hermione took a deep breath. It was only one date. She smiled and nodded at the host, and wasn’t the least bit surprised when he whipped his head back towards the audience and said, “And we’ll find out her choice right after this word from our sponsors!”

The audience groaned and she heard the stage manager yell, “We’re clear. Back in three minutes.”

She scanned the audience again, still finding no sign of her friends. They must be sitting on the other side of the partition, which made sense. She would have looked to get some direction from them if she could see them. However, it was probably a good thing, as she could guarantee that Ginny would be a fan of Bachelor #1.

She sat back in her chair. It was almost over and she had to admit it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. At least she had a good, although probably awkward, dinner ahead of her.

She heard the countdown and Lockhart was gesturing to her to join him near the partition.

This was it.

“Okay Hermione, it’s time to make your choice. Who’s it going to be?”

She launched into her scripted speech, “Thanks, Gilderoy. It was a really hard choice. They all sound so interesting.” _Lies._ She thought.

“But, I’m going to have to choose…” _Pause for dramatic effect, the stage manager had reminded her._

“Bachelor #3.” The audience cheered.

“Well then, let’s meet the bachelors who you didn’t pick… Bachelor #1 - Draco Malfoy!”

A tall blond walked around the partition and bent down to kiss her cheek. It sounded like he whispered, “Your loss.” He straightened up with his mouth in a smirk.

And Bachelor #2 - Seamus Finnegan!”

Seamus wasn’t bad-looking and seemed nice enough. He gave Hermione a warm hug before heading backstage.

“So, Hermione. You picked Bachelor #3. What was it about him that you liked?”

_Because he seemed the most normal_ , Hermione thought. Not that she could say that.

“I liked his idea of a date. I’ve always enjoyed fairy tales and would love to see Solvang.” 

She cringed internally. Ginny would never let her live this down — she would definitely take credit that her question had been the best one.

Lockhart gave an exaggerated waggle of his eyebrows. “And are you ready to meet him?” 

“Yes!” Hermione said with all the faux-enthusiasm she could muster, but then he came around the other side of the partition and all her thoughts stopped. Viktor had dark hair and a short trimmed beard. He wasn’t quite as tall as the Bachelor #1, but he was in great shape. Hermione admired the athletic cut of his shirt, as he reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss.

_Oh? That was interesting and sweet, if a little formal._

Lockhart barreled in front of them. “Hermione and Viktor, as a treat to you, we’re sending you to have dinner at the iconic Lawry’s!”

He still hadn’t let go of her hand, she realized, as he tugged her closer and whispered in her ear. “Nah. Too touristy. We can do better than that.” He grinned at her, and she realized how much she might actually like cute, strong and interesting guys with dark hair.

Lockhart’s attention turned to them both and then back to the audience. “It's time to say goodbye! I hope all your dates are good ones tonight, and if not, here's a big kiss to hold you over!” Hermione heard the familiar Herb Alpert music start playing, and using her other hand, since her left one was still firmly in Viktor’s grip, she reached back and exaggeratedly blew the audience a kiss, as he did the same on the other side and Lockhart did in front of them.

She heard the stage manager call, “And that’s a wrap!” The house lights came on.

Lockhart looked back at them as he walked off the set. “Nice show, kids. Good luck.”

Hermione wasn’t sure what to do with herself, but grinned as she saw Ginny, then Luna hurrying towards her.

“Hermione! That was fantastic! Bachelor #1 was so dreamy. I’m wondering if he is still around…” Ginny was looking past her, trying to see if she could catch a glimpse of blond hair anywhere backstage.

Luna scolded her. “Uh, Gin. I think Harry may have something to say about that.” 

Ginny grinned. “There’s nothing wrong with looking, Luna. I’m engaged, not dead.”

Viktor cleared his throat. “Your friends?”

Hermione smiled. “Yep. They’re with me… I guess.” She introduced them each in turn.

“I tell you what. If you ladies are up for it, we can head to my place and I’ll make you all some lunch. And after we’ve had a chance to get to know each other a little better, Hermione, you can decide whether you want to stay for dinner… or breakfast.” He gave her look that made her forget all about the other two men who had been on the stage.

“Oh… but what about your certificate?” Ginny prompted.

Hermione looked at Viktor who seemed decidedly uninterested. She shrugged. “Why don’t you and Harry use it? You’re the reason I’m here in the first place.”

The stage manager motioned for them to move along. They were already resetting the set for the next taping. And fortunately for Hermione, she would not be in it. She had better things to do with the rest of her day… and possibly night.

  
  



End file.
